These Aren’t People, They’re Animals

Warning: this post may induce indigestion, general discomfort, or medium-to-mild heart attack.  If there were such a thing, this post would have a high risk for literary herpes, ’cause let’s face it kids, my shit is contagious.

(Waves goodbye to readers. Hopes they enjoy their Google search of MacKenzie Phillips.  Also hopes they recognize I used salsa terms to describe the seriousness of heart attacks. You guessed it: America.) 

I’m sure whoever’s reading this (nobody) is just as shocked that I am, despite popular request and government mandate, that I’m posting again.  Just like when you throw up your favorite booze (Black Velvet fine Canadian whiskey for me), it takes some time to get over a Dilly post.  The first three things I could think of that would/did shock me less than the existence of this post are as follows:

1. That Selma Hayek’s breast milk cured swine flu. (Remember that – so good)

2. That Brooke Hogan has a penis. (This makes the name of Brute Hogan’s (sorry, Brooke) show “Brooke Knows Best” suddenly very appropriate.  It seems that the only thing Brooke knows best about is swinging between her legs)

3.  That Crispin Glover’s general, in-movie creepiness transferred to general, real-life creepiness.  Exhibit A:

This whole intro was just an excuse to show this video.  I can’t figure out if that was a good idea or a bad idea.

With the fall slowly engulfing us, the Dilly feels suddenly alive again, awoken from his end-of-summer hangover, running on full cylinders, making things happen.  The recent DeGeneration X-ing of caffeine from my diet has been the best idea since the Missouri Compromise.  Like quitting smoking, after the first 3 days (which sucks all the dicks) things sort of mellow out, and I’ve noticed my moods are much more regular (that is not a pooping reference).   Caffeine is a scary drug – and a drug (like most drugs), I will only consume with booze from now on.  Look into it kids, be better.

With the Dilly making power moves to having a better life (but certainly still a shitty person) –  now that he has more energy than one of those happy old men from the Viagra commercials (Viva!!) - he’s been able to devote a lot more time to wasting his life away.  It has been phenomenal.

If  you missed the first two season-5 episodes of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, then you stink and I hate you.  Please know I will also be referring to people as “bozos” at least once a day from here on out.

Thanks FX for doing me a solid last Thursday and playing “The Nightman Cometh”  episode right after the new ep.  Thanks again for replaying both episodes immediately after.  I am not ashamed that I sat and watched both episodes twice (best 2 hours of my day) and laughed at the same jokes both times around.  In other words:

“We have been coming to the same party for years… and in no way is that depressing.”

 

That’s all for now folks.  I’ll be adding some CD reviews soon, so keep your eyes peeled and your mind open.  God Bless America.